You want to get control of behaviors that are hurting you...
Overeating...
Maybe you keep eating because you’re bored. You’ve got nothing better to do. You need to numb yourself out. And eating just feels good. You know it takes a toll on your body and mind, but you can’t stop it. The boredom keeps coming and you keep numbing it. Afterward, you feel heavy, sluggish, and guilty. This pattern has gone on for years and you don’t know what to do about it.
Pornography...
Or maybe porn’s your thing. You’d like to stop but the attraction overwhelms your will power. You try to stay on task at work or school, but you can hardly think of anything else. The images are too strong. It’s like they hold a place deep inside you. And so you give in to them, acting out in a cycle that never ends. Afterward, you’re discouraged, even despairing. You know something’s wrong. You want help, but you need something powerful. Something that’s able to stand toe-to-toe with the forces of addiction.
Drugs, Alcohol, Nicotine...
Maybe the shame you feel after drinking is overwhelming. So much so that you try to block it. You work. You play. You watch TV or distract yourself however you can. But the guilt remains. And, to compound your suffering, the craving returns. You know that you need to deal with this pattern. Your not sure if you’ve got what it takes.
Screens...
Or maybe you’re on your phone all the time, checking the news or Facebook, over and over. It leaves you feeling hollow and anxious, maybe even stressed. You’d like to do something more productive with your time, yet you continually return to the screen.
No matter what your specific addictive behavior is...
It’s probably gotten to the point where you’re scared. You’re scared you might do lasting damage to yourself (or to someone else) if you haven’t already. You’re scared you can’t stop. It’s as if your will is too weak or just gone. You’re scared you’ve made the wrong choice too many times. And now, making the right choice, saying no to your addiction, takes incredible strength, which you struggle to muster. On top of that, life is just hard. You might feel good at times, but those times are further and further apart. Maybe you struggle with stress at work. Or maybe you can’t concentrate at school. Your relationships may be suffering or neglected. All because you don’t feel good. As if the cravings weren’t enough, you’re also dealing with difficult feelings throughout the day.
And how do you deal with all that?
Maybe you’ve already tried getting help from books, articles, and recovery groups. Maybe you’ve gone to see therapists or counselors. Maybe you’ve tried to eat better and get more sleep and exercise. If you’re spiritual or religious, you might have tried prayer, meditation, church, temple, and more. Probably these things have been helpful, but you find yourself not where you want to be. Despite your best effort, you’re either treading water, or your addiction is slowly intensifying.
You will mature and grow...
Though addiction is relentless, it’s also pointing you in another direction. It's telling you NOT to go this way. It’s telling you that something is off in your mind and emotions. And it's calling you to go on a journey of healing, even if you don't know what the steps are. A nice thing to know is that many people have gone before you. You can learn from them as I have. Your path may not be clear now, but if you keep trying, you will find it.
And how do you deal with all that?
Right now in your life, you probably keep repeating the same old thought and emotional reaction patterns. It’s why your addiction doesn’t change, nor do many of the stuck and dis-satisfying situations in your life. Imagine becoming the kind of person who is able to not only stand such feelings but also reduce and resolve them. In essence, because you learn to feel larger and more stable, you will come to handle things you can’t handle now. You will feel yourself stepping into a new kind of life.
And this happens NOT because you are exercising willpower, NOT because you are “surrendering,” or white-knuckling or distracting yourself in some way. It happens because you are growing into the mature, compassionate, and emotionally stable adult that you’ve been longing to become!
When you change, everything changes, including your addiction.
The vast majority of programs miss this. Yes, they are valuable. And much of what they teach is valuable, such as accountability, connection, and better decision making. But most programs do not know how to lead you toward deeper maturity and wisdom, where become your own healer.
Clear and simple steps...
The system I teach is backed by over 70 research studies. It's used and taught by thousands of therapists around the world.
The steps are clear and learnable.
Please keep in mind that you must practice and get support. There are no magic bullets (though what you learn will often feel like magic).
My name is Ryan...
In 2008 I ended my addiction to pornography that had lasted over 25 years.
I've studied addiction and have practiced healing techniques for over 30 years. I am a certified recovery coach and Focusing teacher.
I've spent hundreds of hours guiding people through their inner suffering, including addictive patterns.
I know exactly what it's like to deal with a long-term, deeply entrenched addiction. I know what it's like to live with intense cravings. And I know what it's like to feel hopeless and despairing.
I also know what it's like to heal. I know that addiction and painfully stuck ways of life are never the end, if you learn how to work with them.
I now teach people who want to learn how to heal themselves and their addictions.
Client Experience...
I trust Ryan implicitly with my (inner awareness) process. He is incredibly insightful and intuitive when offering support that is always facilitative. Ryan’s guidance enables me to access the deepest layers of awareness, even those that are nonverbal. I find that he can hold space with an astute, grounded, and gentle energy that helps me feel safe, seen, and understood.
Nati P
Oakland, CA
This program is for people dealing with...
Food addiction and other compulsive eating disorders
Pornography and other forms of sexual acting out
Alcohol addiction
Drug addiction
Smoking & nicotine addiction
Social media, gaming and other forms of internet addiction
This program is also for people who...
Are dealing with anxiety and depression and want help with their addictive tendencies
Want to rebuild their emotional health, including healing their inner critical voices
Are dealing with any kind of well-managed mental illness (such as ADHD, bipolar disorder, PTSD, etc.) that includes an addiction component
Have been officially diagnosed with any level of substance use disorder (mild, moderate, or severe)
Have any kind of behavioral addiction or impulse control disorder.
Having an “addictive personality” and want to reduce such tendencies
Who this program is NOT for...
People looking for a quick fix. As much as I’d like to have one, there is no silver bullet. Real and long-lasting inner healing takes dedicated work over time. There’s no way out of that equation.
This program is not for people who are too afraid to be open (at least a little) to new ideas and experiences. Much of what I teach is new to our culture. I do ask people to consider and try new ways of thinking and experiencing, always at a pace that feels safe.
People who are too busy. This kind of work doesn’t have to be the only thing you do. A full time job, family and social life is still possible. It does, however, require a level of priority.
Stopping an addiction is not like flipping a light switch...
It takes time, effort, and commitment.
That said, most of my clients experience psychological relief in a single session. With practice that relief extends into your daily life. Over time you gain a new perspective and relationship with yourself and your addiction. This makes a huge difference. It changes how you feel. It changes how your life moves forward. As you keep working, your addiction will either end or it won’t have the hold on you that it once did.
Program benefits include...
Reduced cravings and an increasing ability to resolve them
Improved ability to deal with stress, anxiety, and triggers
Lessening and releasing of guilt and shame
Increased self-kindness and self-love
Stronger connection with yourself, others, and your spirituality
Increasing maturity, internal strength, and wisdom
A Foundation for Long-term Abstinence...
While stopping your addictive behavior is hugely important, recovery is a marathon, not a sprint.
Your problems did not start overnight and will not end overnight. My program is about laying a foundation for long-term healing. Within such a context, you will naturally grow. Over time you can expect to feel more ease and peace. Over time, like leaves falling off a tree in autumn, your addiction will either come to an end or lose importance in your life.
At some point, of course, you may need to make a commitment to stop, but you will have built the capacity within yourself to hold that commitment.
You do not need to be spiritual...
If you are, or if you want to cultivate spirituality, this program will greatly help.
Because we work with the mind and the way you experience your problems, what you learn overlaps spirituality and religion.
But your beliefs are always up to you. And what you do with the skills you learn is also up to you. If you want to deepen or cultivate your spirituality, you can. If not, it's not necessary.
Don't stop what you're already doing...
The skills I teach are a great complement to other therapies, programs, or counseling.
If you are already committed to a certain kind of support or practice, you don't need to stop. Our work together will deepen and support what you are already doing. It is not exclusive.
Also, while many people consider this work therapeutic, it’s not therapy or psychotherapy. It is a set of mental, emotional, and body skills that you build into habit over time. Unlike a therapist or counselor, I don't ask about issues going on in your life (though you may share them). Also, I do not analyze or assign a diagnosis to you. I am a teacher, transferring a certain kind of knowledge, and I provid a context where you can learn, practice and receive support.
Frequently Asked Questions
How will meeting with you one-on-one actually help me? Why can’t I just read a book or watch videos?
Reading a book or watching videos can definitely help, but some things are very hard to learn without person-to-person interaction. This is especially true with regard to our inner emotional lives. It’s sort of like having a tennis coach or golf coach who can spot a problem in your swing and then immediately correct it. It’s impossible to get that kind of feedback from a book or video. There’s also such a thing as inner role modeling. When you’re with a teacher or peer and you see how they handle a particularly difficult emotion or situation, something that you’ve been unable to handle before, your body and mind “picks up” what they’re doing. And suddenly you can do the same thing.
If you stopped your addiction today, it’s highly likely you’d still have much healing work to do. In fact, even if you stopped, without certain skills and support in place, you’re highly likely to relapse (which is normal and expected during recovery). And even if you don’t relapse, the inner patterns that drive your addiction will likely manifest in some other way, such as anxiety, depression or an addiction to something else. Like I said above, my program is all about building up a strong foundation for your ongoing healing. This in turn will give you an ability, sooner or later, to stop (or grow out of) your addiction. That said, I cannot promise that you will stop your behavior. That’s always up to you. If you do need to stop immediately, perhaps because there is too much harm being done, I recommend that you work with a therapist or another program that helps you hold your strong commitment to abstinence. My program complements such programs quite well.
Yes. There are over 80 research studies demonstrating the effectiveness of Focusing. You can find a summary here.
Additionally, the creators of some well known therapies such as Somatic Experiencing and Emotion Focused Therapy openly acknowledge that their methodologies rely on Focusing as a foundation. The later, Emotion Focused Therapy, is backed by multiple randomized trials and has the highest success rate among all couples therapies.
It’s called Focusing. I don’t like using the name because it confuses people. It’s not about concentration, which is what people typically understand the word “focusing” to mean. The name “Focusing” comes from the person who created the system, Dr. Eugene Gendlin. He was a psychologist and philosopher who taught at the University of Chicago. His system, callend Focusing, is used by thousands of therapists around the world.
Focusing is not a form of meditation. It is an engaged process of self-exploration and self-healing.
It does share elements of quietness, acceptance, and present moment awareness, especially body awareness, but it is more than these. Focusing guides us to cultivate a new kind of relationship with our thoughts and emotions. In doing so, stuck patterns shift. We gain surprising and meaningful information about ourselves. There’s a strong sense of inner resolution and moving forward.
Share as much or as little as you like. You do not need to share anything. The skills and tools you learn work regardless. If you have dark secrets, our work together is likely to change how you feel about them, even if you never talk about them.
Absolutely. While you are not required to share any details about your life, if you do, I am committed to holding them in strict confidentiality.
Yes. If within the first four sessions you feel we are not a good fit, I will happily release you from the full program. You would only need to pay for the four sessions on a prorated basis.
As your recovery guide...
It's my great hone to walk with you on this leg of your healing journey. I will show you how to cultivate a lasting foundation of healing, thus helping you end your addiction. I am a certified recovery coach, and I practice what I preach. I've overcome my own addiction that lasted over 25 years, and I will help you walk the path of overcoming your own addiction.
What people say?
Ryan especially understands the troubles one has in addiction, addictive thoughts, and trauma. He is able to view such issues without judgment. During the height of Covid lockdown, I was fortunate to do some private sessions with him in order to deal with a few stressful issues I had. Ryan’s method is stress-free, not like talk therapy. There is no manipulation. Nothing is pushed on you. You don’t even need to describe your issues. Yet, it’s very effective.
Koyo U.
New York, NY
In our sessions, I feel at ease, supported, relaxed, connected, respected, given space, and held in that space. And usually, by the end of a session, transformed.
Cheyenne H.
Mariposa, CA
What's included in the program?
The Beyond Addiction program is designed to start you on the path of inner-skill development as quickly as possible. As such, there are two major parts to the program. Both parts are included in the program.
Beyond Addiction Part 1:
25 Private Coaching Sessions
The sessions are 60 minutes long, weekly, and spread over 6 months.
Private Session Recordings
Our sessions are via Zoom and you may elect to download them for your review.
Weekly Written Feedback
Via email each week, I will answer your questions and discuss issues that come up.
Principals & Techniques Teaching Videos
The videos are released to you weekly and include lifetime availability.
Beyond Addiction Part 2:
Here you learn to both support others and receive support. It's here that you'll learn how to take what you learn in the program and build habits that will support you life-long.
Inner-Skills Classes - Level 1 to 4
These are four small group classes, 2 hours, once per week for 5 weeks. Twenty classes total.
Class Materials
This includes two books and all worksheets.
Class Recordings
You will receive video recordings of the classes each week.
Ongoing Inner-Skills Partnerships
During the classes you will partner with one other student for one hour per week. These partnerships are a very powerful form of ongoing support. After the classes, you will be a skilled at partnering and you'll be able to partner with anyone from our community for as long as like once the program ends.
Set up a free consultation
If you’re interested in the Beyond Addiction Program, please schedule your free consultation below. In the session, I’ll explain more about the program, and we’ll be able to determine if we are a good fit for working together.